Everything Hurts and I’m Dying

~ twinageddon ~ Leave a comment

All 5 of us are sick right now.  And I’m feeling pretty miserable.  Physically and mentally.  I hate my job, my house is a mess, my life is a mess, and I haven’t been able to run in over a week.  How am I going to pull out of it?

1. Get into the Word.

I challenged myself last year to read the Bible.  The whole thing, cover to cover.  Its been a little over a year now and I’m almost through (I started with and read the New Testament twice because it’s just so good).  I get up a little bit early (almost) every day and read as much as I can with the time I have.  I’m no morning person, so this isn’t easy for me.  Some days I don’t get much more than a few paragraphs.  But its always worth it, and I always find something that pertains to my life.

2. Pray.  A lot.

As I deal with three young kids, I constantly need to remind myself to ask for help and forgiveness from God.  I try to talk to God throughout the day, whether I’m just making commentary, whether I’m praising Him, or desperately asking for help.  I’ve got reminders up in my house of God’s goodness and love and they serve as prompts for engaging in my relationship with Him.  When all else fails, pray!

3. Let it go.

In the immortal words of Elsa that I had to listen to 5 times a day every day for a REALLY long time, just let it go.  The house is going to have to wait.  Paper plates and plastic spoons and forks will just have to do for now.  Do the bare minimum in the house.  Its harder than it sounds but its necessary for survival (why do all the memes telling us to let the housework go have a clean house in the background???).  Throw your hands up at your house and yell “Grace! Grace!”

4. Update my resume.

I have no idea what I want to do, but I know what I’m currently doing is not making me happy.  As soon as I’m off death’s door I’m going to update my resume.  I know I feel led by the Lord to do something more than what I’m doing now but trying to weed out what He is saying from all the voices in my head has been particularly tough lately.  So for now, I will update my resume and continue to do #1 and#2.

5. Try to slow down.

I usually want to punch an author in the face when I read this.  But that probably says something about my life, doesn’t it?  I started off the year going full speed ahead with my list of resolutions.  Run a marathon, check.  Read at least 12 books this year, halfway check (I read/listened to 6 books in January).  Become a half marathon fanatic by running two half marathons two weeks apart, grind to a halt.  Poor finances and this never ending bubonic plague put this goal hold.  In the season of young kids (7 and 4 year old twins), I get overwhelmed by all of the things I want to do versus the things I can do.  Right now in the midst of all this chaos I need to (try at least) to keep in perspective that this season wont last and soon  my kids wont need me as much.  I’ll be able to go to the bathroom without kids breaking down the door, I’ll be able to sit down with a book, I’ll be able to drink a hot cup of coffee.  In the meantime, I need to stop putting unnecessary demands on myself and just SLOW DOWN.

6. Teach the kids to do for themselves.

This is where I have completely and miserably failed.  Having a 3 year old and newborn twins was pretty rough.  I know other mommas have done a lot more.  I’m not those mommas.  I never thought I’d have kids.  I feel like none of this stuff comes naturally to me.  And I’m so tired and worn out that I cant’t think clearly most days.  So instead of teaching my oldest to do more for herself I took the “easier” way of doing things for her not keeping the big picture and long term in mind.  No more!  I’m done, and all of these kids will start doing for themselves, for my short term sanity and their long term well being.  There will be chores and life skills!  And just maybe that will help me tolerate my house a little more!

Twinageddon Begins

~ twinageddon ~ Leave a comment

Twinageddon.  The beginning of the end of life as you know it.

Imagine you had a baby ten weeks ago.  Somewhere between the pregnancy, birth, and/or after effects of birth, you herniated a disk in your back in such a magnificent and spectacular way it was crushing your spinal cord.  And you’re told if you don’t have surgery the very next morning you will likely end up paralyzed.

Did I mention you’re a runner?  Running is your Prozac.  It’s what put and end to a debilitating bout of depression and anxiety.  So your doctor tells you that you will never run again.  You might not even walk without a limp again.  So you sulk, you get depressed (again), you listen to the negativity.  That subscription to Runners World?  Its been piling up in a drawer somewhere.  It’s too painful to look at yet you can’t quite cancel it or throw them out.  So they sit in a junk drawer.  Until one not so special day, one like any other, you get the mail and there’s that f’ing magazine again.  And for whatever reason, you decide to open it.  And the page you open to is the story of Matt Long.  Matt was a New York firefighter, a runner, a triathlete.  An IRONMAN triathlete.  One day while riding his bike he was hit by a bus.  He should not have lived.  The details of his accident are gruesome.  The details of his recovery are awe-inspiring.  And so this is where your recovery starts.  Again.  Almost a year’s worth of magazines tucked safely out of sight and this is the one you decide to look at.

You fight your way through two years of physical therapy, lots of pain, and some more negativity, from inside and outside.  You run a few 5Ks, tough out a miserable 10K, and along the way find peace of mind, confidence, and your long-lost sex drive (hey-o!).

So now you’re in a good place.  You leave a toxic job (and unfortunately some pretty awesome friends with it), you’re getting the hang of this parenting thing, you’re training for your first half marathon (screw you and your no running) and you’re relationship with your husband is the probably the best it’s ever been in the 23 years you’ve known each other (14 married).  Guess what?  You got pregnant.

And the jokes not over my friends.  It’s twins.  Twinageddon had begun.

I’ll skip over the twins first two years for now, chronicling that mayhem and foolishness will take multiple posts I’m sure.  But since injuring my back and being told I’d never run again, I’ve run multiple 5Ks, a few 10Ks, and three half marathons.  I completed the Disney Princess Glass Slipper Challenge of a 10K on Saturday and half marathon on Sunday.  And this weekend I’m going to finally fulfill my long time goal of becoming a certified running coach (squee!).

Somehow I’m going to incorporate running, fitness, nutrition, parenting, the insanity of raising multiples, and mental, physical, and spiritual wellness into this blog.  So, if you’re a parent (parents of singletons always welcome – that’s what the parents of multiples call you ladies that pop ’em out one at a time), have a seat and grab that cup of coffee you reheated in the microwave three or four times.  Not a parent?  That’s ok too.  There will be plenty of running, wellness, and nutrition info for you as well.  Take this absurd journey with me as I try to find the sanity I lost a few years ago and run a few miles (how about 26.2?), eat some good food, and have a few good laughs (likely at my expense).  And hey, if no one reads this, writing (and running) is cheaper than therapy!

Isaiah 40:31 For those who hope in the Lord will soar on wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not be faint.